𝓛𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓱 – 𝓐𝓹𝓻𝓲𝓵

Dear Readers,

This post has some of the toughest lessons that I had learnt in 2019. It had gone through too many drafts before becoming a post here. So did I. Some of the learnings from the draft versions of my life are here for you.

Lesson 1: Forgive yourself

I had always been a person who looked upon perfection in anything I do. I make sure to work hard enough to get it done on par with the expectations. Leaving any work half the way, gives a sleepless night to me. Though, I am learning the art of letting things go, I had cleverly managed to conceal a portion of it and willingly hid it from the art-of-letting-go radar. Yes, I had never let go of mistakes that I make. Especially, breaking people’s trust on me is like facing a severe accident with a physical damage for both of us. I had not let myself look beyond my conscience on such cases, to see if others are truly upset with me. Even if others are ready to forgive me, I punish myself involuntarily. It sometimes had not even been a miserable mistake in others eyes. However, I had been hard on myself.

For me, mistakes are failures caused due to carelessness. Also, mistakes mostly happen due to many other factors than the lack of talent/knowledge, which likely will be seen otherwise. Trying to prove it, is of no use.

On the other hand, failing is not bad, but knowingly not acting upon it is a mistake. These ideas of mine, make it difficult for me to accept my mistakes and forgive myself for making them.

For people like me, pardoning themselves is not easy. It is sometimes merely impossible. Because, the self-esteem/ the dignity that we have for ourselves, overpowers the self-love. The ego inside us, definitely has a role to play too. Don’t we jump in and punish our beloved ones, as we cannot stand the sight of others punishing them? It is similar to that. You punish yourself because you love and respect thyself more, and cannot let anyone else hurt you.

From reading professional emails to validating human personalities, I had been proof-reading everything not knowing if it truly required/deserved my time. It had become habitual, or could be a part of my nature too. No mistake can escape my sight.

I read this following line almost 97 times until it hit my mind, ‘To err is human’. Henceforth, I have decided to see myself as a human too. I am getting to realize, that everyone make mistakes and that, it is absolutely fine. At times like this, first things that cross our mind are that, we should never make a mistake and we are not allowed to live with errors. Above all, we should be ashamed of it.

Unfortunately, we have to admit that we are all prone to make mistakes and only by accepting it we can make peace with it. First, don’t give time to your ego to retaliate when your brain had already started sending the signals of a mistake. Start forgiving yourself as early as possible, it heals your wound faster. If you are not kind to yourself, you cannot expect others to be compassionate too.

Stop focusing on the end result/destination and start concentrating on the efforts/journey towards it.

Lesson 2: Do not quit/ run away

Now that we are ready to forgive ourselves, we should think about the aftermath of the situation that we had created. Any human would be afraid of facing such ruined situations. People tend to criticize on mishaps not always because they are evil. It is also because, they are used to it and they do not realize the pain that we would be undergoing until they empathy us being on our shoes. I am not supporting unhealthy criticisms but only, trying to emphasize the point that those are not meant for us to ponder upon. I also agree that sometimes damages caused are irreversible. Once the wound is healed, the scars will remain only to remind you about the lessons that will help you achieve success next time.

Stop worrying, things will change sooner anyway, but, only if you are willing to stay. All 30 days of a month can never be the same. Just endure the so-called loser scar for a little more. Await another opportunity to correct your mistakes(you had already accepted them, peace!). Do not dig the dirt until it is ready to be cleaned up, thinking you can resolve everything immediately. Even if you’re genuine and sincere, apologies will only play with the ego of the people involved, kindling the unpleasant memories. Give people some time. If your day was bad, the other person’s day could be worse. Everyone needs some time, and so do you. Time heals everything.

Finally, the main reason to stay back in the scene is that quitting is not a permanent solution but it is proving to others that you were wrong. Remember to leave the place neat and clean. Your history is important for a peaceful life. After all, courage is not the absence of fear to face such situations but about realizing the fact that something else is more important at present, which is accepting and moving on with your head held up high. If you are afraid of losing people’s trust on you, then, face it. If you are worth it, it will get back to you in sometime. For now, hold on tightly to your trust on yourself.

After all, what others think of you is only a reflection of what you think of yourself.

A few other smaller lessons are listed below.

Lesson 3: Do not endure hatred

Facing hatred is normal but not enduring it. If people mock at you, let them do it. If they laugh at you, let them do it. Remember, even your dear friends of today were strangers to you in the past. If their words hurt, let them hurt you. It is natural for people to not to love you too. Respect and cordial relationship comes from good understanding. Let go of such hatred instead of shouldering it all the way. Be rational than emotional towards such situations. It is not necessary to endure every hatred that comes to you. Instead, keep yourself occupied with loving the people who deserve it the most.

Being imperfect and eccentric is not an issue but your failure to accept yourself being so is.

Recollect your childhood days, the things that you were secretly afraid of back then, are now cherishable memories to talk about to people. The thing/people that you are worrying about today too could be a cherishable memory for tomorrow. As we get older, life teaches us that there would be more such inevitable hates and unfaourable times, and that accepting as they are is also inevitable to move on. Try considering hate as a strong colour in the rainbow, that comes after rains. Rainbow is beautiful only because it has multiple shades in it. Enjoy it from the far sight, do not concentrate only on the one brighter shade and take it to your heart.

Lesson 4: Time management

Not everything in life occurs as planned. Be ready for unfavourable moments and learn to make quicker plans. Stop looking elsewhere by which you will be losing your concentration. No point in looking back when things have already happened. Estimate better and be well-informed. Again, being well- informed of everything is not on our hands, just give your best. Make sure to stay calm and composed as handling too many things at the same time need more patience and tolerance.

Keep in mind, that your family, health, meditation, prayer, and other hobbies should take higher priority in your planner. Without all these, we will end up screwing up with our otherwise successful life.

Lesson 5: Dissolve dependencies

Get a hold on yourself before you wake up from the disaster. Communication to others in such broken situations is not recommended. Words that had been let out can never be taken back. With a saddened mind, we would tend to lean on any moral support that is in our vicinity during that moment. However, if we could gather ourselves and give a thought for a few seconds we would realize that today is not the end and tomorrow is on its way. Yes, things will be different during the next sun rise. Do not let loose of yourself and search a place to vent all your emotions. Creating dependencies on your family or friends circle is hazardous as not everyone would have the placeholder to absorb your negative emotions. Who knows what they are going through in their lives and what if they need you at the same time? Do more of what you love while having your breathing time. Addiction to any of temporary pain relievers(or, people of that kind) might be harmful to your mental and physical health. Find the audacious person in you who had always taken care of your friends and beloved ones when they were in need and be that person to you.

Be that stronger person, because, You are enough!

Lesson 6: Spread love and dive into positivity

Now that we know the importance of the positive energy during our tough times, we should remember to spread it to everyone else, as we don’t know who is in need of it. One beautiful smile of yours can change their stormy day into a beautiful rainbow making their sky calm. At the worst condition, make sure you do not spread the negativity as they spread faster and will get back to you in no time.

Not everyone has the maturity to endure their bad days with a smile. However, all of us can understand the fact that it is just a momentary reaction blocking us from thinking beyond and is very much likely to change when things get better soon. Remind people who are depressed and dejected that their life is much bigger than the tiny problem that they are refusing to come out of.

If you can write it out, please keep writing. Write until you feel alright!

Maintaining our daily journal is like a natural health supplement. There is no other peaceful place that can listen to all your musings. It never complains, it accepts you as you are and gives back all the strength for you to move on.

Be it any of your passion, just go ahead and spend as much as time on it. Break all the barriers to sustain with it, as it is hard to get such unpleasant memories out of your head. Once you are done, spread the positive energy to your ambiance, as we all know, “What goes around, comes around”.