Not every lesson that life tries to teach us is easy. I am determined to not to give up learning such tough lessons.
It was a great struggle for me to get this post here. I could hardly write a few lines every day, to push myself hard to publish this post before the end of the month, May. I failed in every single attempt I made. When I read them together today, I realized that it makes no sense to write something that is not from your heart. I was fearing to not to get into the nightmare of every writer, ‘The writer’s block’. I eventually did.
The dust that you see on the laptop, says it all. The state of the keyboard/typewriter/notebook mirrors the state of the heart and mind of a writer.
Now that I’m done circumambulating the emotional side effects of it, here I am to share my lessons with you all. This experience was a little new to me, as I have never thought it would impact me even, who is just a blogger venting daily emotions online. Though, this is not the first time that I am unable to write for months together, there is no worst battle to my brain, than what I had been going through recently.
Okay. So, this is it, as I am fighting back a million of thoughts inside my mind. It is time to spill them out here, as I don’t think, it can withhold anymore. Earlier, when I was sitting in front of my laptop and hitting the keys hard (only to write paragraphs that made no sense), I was getting to know of what the problem was with my temporary writing inability. Though I have started to make this post now, I am still not aware of what I am going through mentally. It doesn’t matter anyway, as I know I will publish this post sooner.
No matter what troubles me, I always write until I feel alright. Iโm starting to feel better as Iโm writing this post.
The month of May was so Mundane. I lost interest in almost everything I did. Work, personal life, etc, nothing was interesting to me anymore. I was blindly living a routine not knowing where I am heading to. To go along with the flow of life, was the only option left. I thought, I would be fine in sometime. Unfortunately, it happened otherwise.
The first lesson that I learnt in this phase, was about patience. The most difficult part in dealing with tough times is not about solving the hardest problem, but in figuring out what that one hardest problem is among the chaos around. Neither, did I know what actions I was performing, nor, what I was speaking about and to whom. Needless to mention about how I dealt with complex people during these days.
Having not known about the problem yet, there is no question of solving it. However, I knew there is something that kept me sad than making me angry. When it comes to emotions, I prefer anger to sadness because, I am better at expressing my anguish thoughts. There was no clue of what kept me so sad.
Trust me, no newer problems peeped into my life, no better times either. All, I was wondering was, “how can a brain be so busy all 24 hours of a day?”. Sometimes, I was confused, if my tiresome days were causing the trouble to my mind, or if it is vice-versa.
There could be two reasons for someone to get into the writers block. One, the lack of thoughts like I had explained in one of my previous articles, ‘My Lifesaver Post‘. The other, is that, the mind is too busy to think, due to the random but frequent rush of unnecessary thoughts. This time I had been going through the second one.
So, where did those random thoughts come from. To know the answer, I made sure to stop conversing with the external world. It did help me with some noise cancellation process, keeping my mind calm. This gave me the realization that I had been whiling away most of the time, keeping my mind busy, not giving enough room for it to think. I also came to know that the root cause of the block was not truly the lack of inspiration, but my refusal to give attention to all the beautiful inspiration that were within my vicinity. Being moved a little away from distractions, I was able to hear my heart.
I am a person, who strongly believes in subtle things. I avoid anything that is intense. I do not even choose a food or beverage that tastes beyond average. Be it a relationship, friendship, or even a conversation with people. If anything reaches its limits, I gradually move away from it. I keep my emotions intact, such that, moving on from failures, disappointments, or anything in life should not become a problem in the future. Any emotional dependency is a little scary to me.
We all tend to make mistakes, right from the choices that we make in our career, or personal life. So, have I. I still know I am lying when I say I don’t regret my career choices that I had made so far. However, to keep things simple I try not to whine on those mistakes. Anything that happened, had happened to teach us a few lessons. I just keep learning them on the go. I also make sure, no one else gets affected when I am in the process of correcting such mistakes. All my life, I had thought, life would be simple when we keep our ideas to ourselves and appreciate others’ while respectfully agreeing to disagree. However, the lessons that come to me recently say otherwise. It is sometimes better to not to even display any disagreements. Why not? if it can help us from losing people.
One other take away, from all the outcomes is that, no matter what you feel at the moment, never ever jump to conclusions or judge people from what you see of them in the present. Every good thing in this world has its other side too. Though it is natural, also for a human being to be so, we should make sure that the bad part of them is not against the core principles of our life. We may not know the viscosity of it unless it is time for it to flow down towards us. Sometimes, the intensity of goodness can make the other side of it negligible. In that case, make sure to not to get exposed to it at any cost. After all, everything is temporary and we leave them behind as we move on. It is just that no momentary actions should create a severe aftermath causing emotional damages. Beware of where you stand and know where your current actions are taking you to.
The last but never the least lesson is about making wise choices as we grow old. For many of us, career is merely something that feeds us and not the actual passion that is dying inside gradually. The more I think of losing it, the more I get lost in such thoughts. Now that we have made wrong choices and have come a long way to even regret about them, we should make sure to handle the emotions around them with love and self-esteem. At such shipwrecked phases of life, being responsible and loving the current job is the best thing to do. When it is the right time, take the right step as life does not give many chances to fix the mistakes we make.
I felt lost and found myself back. I felt sad but revived by penning down my thoughts here. I was happy and angry in between, however, I know I am human too and it is absolutely fine for me to emote them as well. I learnt to embrace every emotion with love and care.
Dear ‘May’,
As the name goes, you had taken a good care of my heart and you were a perfect medicine that was bitter and best at the same time. I am grateful to you.
P.S. Forgot to mention that I am in the process of learning a method to feel and sound assertive, that equally is kind and harmless towards others.
The Monthly Mantras 