Lessons of Setting Things Right!

Hello Everyone! Hope you are doing well.

Back to this space after a really long time with some lessons that I thought are worth sharing with y’all. So, here we go!

1. It’s important to organise our scattered thoughts

For so long I have been unknowingly accumulating too many thoughts into my head. I had no idea about it, until the day I realized I had lost interest in my daily life and was just trying to live away just because I existed on this earth.

The problem with unresolved gathering of too many thoughts in our mind is that, we might feel stressed out and might involuntarlity start acting like we don’t have the need to clear out any of them.

Later when we will no longer be able to handle the pressure, it will be too late and would create a panic that we have too many issues to be addressed.

So, it is always better to sit down and organise our thoughts by giving ourselves some ample time to resolve them, then and there.

2. Acknowledging our emotions without guilt

Starting from social issues to our personal ones, we show different emotions at different places. The important part here is that the significance of every emotion is in no way lesser to others’ just because others do not feel the same way about those isssues.

There are times where we do not want to vent out our emotions as it might sound lame to others who are going through tougher days. While they are right in feeling so, it is equally important for us to understand that our emotions are more inclined to our life values and the past that we came from. Acknowledging the emotions rather than invalidating/shaming them will help us in venting them out. And, remember, only if we let things out, our mind can handle the upcoming ones.

Everyone is unique and so are our thoughts and emotions. Let’s learn to embrace them with love.

@apenophile

3. Distracting ourselves from the diappointments is not the right solution

With so many unfortunate things happening around the world, We might keep distracting ourselves from such things that we don’t want to see/hear/think about as, what we have no control on is not something we can change too. Truth is that we are here to empathize with people and their success, failure, and happiness might impact us. It is completely okay, if the world does not function how we want it to be.

Every thing that we observe in our life has a hidden lesson for us. It is better to accept, feel and go though the dissapointment rather than strongly supressing that emotion inside our head. It is for no good but only adds up to more stress and pressure. Anyways, one day or the other we might have to face it. Why not we gather the courage and give a closure to them at the right time? Also, lesser the expectations, lesser will be the disappointments.

4. Getting lost is okay but not when it’s forever

We all would have had days of existential crisis and would have thought that we might never get back to where we started. Wandering around for a while is fine, however, it is not safe to stay there longer. Reality, is waiting to hit you harder, the more time you take to face it. Let’s go back and fix things being brave and confident. After all, we are here to live in the present, why fear or worry about the past or future. A minute wasted can never be brought back and rewritten. Let’s learn and try to live in the moment to the fullest with joy and love.

5. The practice of prayer and gratitude

How much ever far away we had ran, the moment we fall and give up, we turn towards that supreme power and find hope in him. Yes, when we feel that there is no other way, that is the place we tend to go and stay. isn’t it?

If God can answer our prayers and guide us to get us back on track, why not set the track right proactively and live in peace by praying daily? Let’s make sure to set some time aside for gratitude and prayer. The more we are grateful, the more positve our life becomes.

Hoping that these lessons help and heal you in any possible way. Wishing you all good health and happiness. See y’all next time!

𝓛𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓱 – 𝓜𝓪𝔂

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𝓛𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓱 – 𝓐𝓹𝓻𝓲𝓵

Dear Readers,

This post has some of the toughest lessons that I had learnt in 2019. It had gone through too many drafts before becoming a post here. So did I. Some of the learnings from the draft versions of my life are here for you.

Lesson 1: Forgive yourself

I had always been a person who looked upon perfection in anything I do. I make sure to work hard enough to get it done on par with the expectations. Leaving any work half the way, gives a sleepless night to me. Though, I am learning the art of letting things go, I had cleverly managed to conceal a portion of it and willingly hid it from the art-of-letting-go radar. Yes, I had never let go of mistakes that I make. Especially, breaking people’s trust on me is like facing a severe accident with a physical damage for both of us. I had not let myself look beyond my conscience on such cases, to see if others are truly upset with me. Even if others are ready to forgive me, I punish myself involuntarily. It sometimes had not even been a miserable mistake in others eyes. However, I had been hard on myself.

For me, mistakes are failures caused due to carelessness. Also, mistakes mostly happen due to many other factors than the lack of talent/knowledge, which likely will be seen otherwise. Trying to prove it, is of no use.

On the other hand, failing is not bad, but knowingly not acting upon it is a mistake. These ideas of mine, make it difficult for me to accept my mistakes and forgive myself for making them.

For people like me, pardoning themselves is not easy. It is sometimes merely impossible. Because, the self-esteem/ the dignity that we have for ourselves, overpowers the self-love. The ego inside us, definitely has a role to play too. Don’t we jump in and punish our beloved ones, as we cannot stand the sight of others punishing them? It is similar to that. You punish yourself because you love and respect thyself more, and cannot let anyone else hurt you.

From reading professional emails to validating human personalities, I had been proof-reading everything not knowing if it truly required/deserved my time. It had become habitual, or could be a part of my nature too. No mistake can escape my sight.

I read this following line almost 97 times until it hit my mind, ‘To err is human’. Henceforth, I have decided to see myself as a human too. I am getting to realize, that everyone make mistakes and that, it is absolutely fine. At times like this, first things that cross our mind are that, we should never make a mistake and we are not allowed to live with errors. Above all, we should be ashamed of it.

Unfortunately, we have to admit that we are all prone to make mistakes and only by accepting it we can make peace with it. First, don’t give time to your ego to retaliate when your brain had already started sending the signals of a mistake. Start forgiving yourself as early as possible, it heals your wound faster. If you are not kind to yourself, you cannot expect others to be compassionate too.

Stop focusing on the end result/destination and start concentrating on the efforts/journey towards it.

Lesson 2: Do not quit/ run away

Now that we are ready to forgive ourselves, we should think about the aftermath of the situation that we had created. Any human would be afraid of facing such ruined situations. People tend to criticize on mishaps not always because they are evil. It is also because, they are used to it and they do not realize the pain that we would be undergoing until they empathy us being on our shoes. I am not supporting unhealthy criticisms but only, trying to emphasize the point that those are not meant for us to ponder upon. I also agree that sometimes damages caused are irreversible. Once the wound is healed, the scars will remain only to remind you about the lessons that will help you achieve success next time.

Stop worrying, things will change sooner anyway, but, only if you are willing to stay. All 30 days of a month can never be the same. Just endure the so-called loser scar for a little more. Await another opportunity to correct your mistakes(you had already accepted them, peace!). Do not dig the dirt until it is ready to be cleaned up, thinking you can resolve everything immediately. Even if you’re genuine and sincere, apologies will only play with the ego of the people involved, kindling the unpleasant memories. Give people some time. If your day was bad, the other person’s day could be worse. Everyone needs some time, and so do you. Time heals everything.

Finally, the main reason to stay back in the scene is that quitting is not a permanent solution but it is proving to others that you were wrong. Remember to leave the place neat and clean. Your history is important for a peaceful life. After all, courage is not the absence of fear to face such situations but about realizing the fact that something else is more important at present, which is accepting and moving on with your head held up high. If you are afraid of losing people’s trust on you, then, face it. If you are worth it, it will get back to you in sometime. For now, hold on tightly to your trust on yourself.

After all, what others think of you is only a reflection of what you think of yourself.

A few other smaller lessons are listed below.

Lesson 3: Do not endure hatred

Facing hatred is normal but not enduring it. If people mock at you, let them do it. If they laugh at you, let them do it. Remember, even your dear friends of today were strangers to you in the past. If their words hurt, let them hurt you. It is natural for people to not to love you too. Respect and cordial relationship comes from good understanding. Let go of such hatred instead of shouldering it all the way. Be rational than emotional towards such situations. It is not necessary to endure every hatred that comes to you. Instead, keep yourself occupied with loving the people who deserve it the most.

Being imperfect and eccentric is not an issue but your failure to accept yourself being so is.

Recollect your childhood days, the things that you were secretly afraid of back then, are now cherishable memories to talk about to people. The thing/people that you are worrying about today too could be a cherishable memory for tomorrow. As we get older, life teaches us that there would be more such inevitable hates and unfaourable times, and that accepting as they are is also inevitable to move on. Try considering hate as a strong colour in the rainbow, that comes after rains. Rainbow is beautiful only because it has multiple shades in it. Enjoy it from the far sight, do not concentrate only on the one brighter shade and take it to your heart.

Lesson 4: Time management

Not everything in life occurs as planned. Be ready for unfavourable moments and learn to make quicker plans. Stop looking elsewhere by which you will be losing your concentration. No point in looking back when things have already happened. Estimate better and be well-informed. Again, being well- informed of everything is not on our hands, just give your best. Make sure to stay calm and composed as handling too many things at the same time need more patience and tolerance.

Keep in mind, that your family, health, meditation, prayer, and other hobbies should take higher priority in your planner. Without all these, we will end up screwing up with our otherwise successful life.

Lesson 5: Dissolve dependencies

Get a hold on yourself before you wake up from the disaster. Communication to others in such broken situations is not recommended. Words that had been let out can never be taken back. With a saddened mind, we would tend to lean on any moral support that is in our vicinity during that moment. However, if we could gather ourselves and give a thought for a few seconds we would realize that today is not the end and tomorrow is on its way. Yes, things will be different during the next sun rise. Do not let loose of yourself and search a place to vent all your emotions. Creating dependencies on your family or friends circle is hazardous as not everyone would have the placeholder to absorb your negative emotions. Who knows what they are going through in their lives and what if they need you at the same time? Do more of what you love while having your breathing time. Addiction to any of temporary pain relievers(or, people of that kind) might be harmful to your mental and physical health. Find the audacious person in you who had always taken care of your friends and beloved ones when they were in need and be that person to you.

Be that stronger person, because, You are enough!

Lesson 6: Spread love and dive into positivity

Now that we know the importance of the positive energy during our tough times, we should remember to spread it to everyone else, as we don’t know who is in need of it. One beautiful smile of yours can change their stormy day into a beautiful rainbow making their sky calm. At the worst condition, make sure you do not spread the negativity as they spread faster and will get back to you in no time.

Not everyone has the maturity to endure their bad days with a smile. However, all of us can understand the fact that it is just a momentary reaction blocking us from thinking beyond and is very much likely to change when things get better soon. Remind people who are depressed and dejected that their life is much bigger than the tiny problem that they are refusing to come out of.

If you can write it out, please keep writing. Write until you feel alright!

Maintaining our daily journal is like a natural health supplement. There is no other peaceful place that can listen to all your musings. It never complains, it accepts you as you are and gives back all the strength for you to move on.

Be it any of your passion, just go ahead and spend as much as time on it. Break all the barriers to sustain with it, as it is hard to get such unpleasant memories out of your head. Once you are done, spread the positive energy to your ambiance, as we all know, “What goes around, comes around”.

𝓛𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓱 – 𝓜𝓪𝓻𝓬𝓱

Hello Everyone,

Here comes the lessons from the month, March. It is mostly going to be about my work experience and its effects on my personal life.

Lesson 1: Pressure is what you willingly take but passion is something that comes within

It was one hectic work month. Initially, I started working hard with good intentions to fulfil my duty as an employee. I did not know I was unknowingly welcoming more work. Later, it created a pressure on me. Thinking of it, after coming more than half the way, I realized that it is not easy to stop what I had been doing for so long, as I made people believe that I was always ready for taking their orders. Yes, at this point of realization, I was driven crazy by what I had ruined all by myself. I knew that, it was not just the fault of the people who are passing the orders but also mine, who was always available for them to give one any time. I woke up when I came to know that I was losing self-respect and that I was forced to perform more than what I was supposed be doing. Amidst the chaos that I  had created, I forgot about my passion that I willingly sweat for days together with so much love and respect towards it. My personal space was a great miss during these days. Work-life balance is always an art to be learnt. I have started to learn it with a pinch of salt. Do a good job at work, but do not pursue a tiresome job. If you are confused about it, ask yourself if you feel happy about your job. Smiling now? No? Either way, it answers your question.

Lesson 2: Deal with it ASAP

One other incident that taught me a lesson during the recent days is that, I had lost the ease of working with a few people. I was hard on someone because I hated myself for letting people rule my life as how they wanted it to be. After all, coordination is an important factor to lead a peaceful life. Be it a small relationship rivalry, an egocentric argument at work or, at other public places, we mess it up so badly that we lose people in such conflicts. It is because we had the fear of facing it sooner, there by, taking in more pain silently. We postponed many smaller issues which actually creates a larger negative impact later. This impact is the result of accumulating all smaller negative emotions that reflects when we finally burst out on reaching the saturation point. Due to this, we tend to portray a bad personality to the concerned people that we truly aren’t. It is better to discuss and solve that one small uncomfortable event with the person, rather than, reacting to every consequent events carrying that one unhealthy moment in heart. Remember, “One rotten apple spoils the whole barrel”. Relationships are more important than our ego or fear. Yes, I was hurt and felt angry not on the others, but on myself for being afraid to face people/ situations in the right way and at the right time. Do not hold your discomfort to yourself. Speak up diligently and convey how you feel as early as possible.

Lesson 3: Do not get lost in this noisy and busy world

We often run fast in life to achieve our short-term goals that we are reminded of daily by people around us. However, we will eventually forget the purpose of those temporary goals that relates to the final destination of our long-term goals. We get lost in performing our routine and trying to improve on that, deviating ourselves from why we started all this in the first place. Remind yourself about the reason that brought you to the place you are currently at. Stop for a while. Take time to listen to your heart and your beloved ones. Afterall, your personal life and the family should be your first priority. Everything else is temporary and can be regained anytime. Rule number one is to never let your profession spoil your personality, character, or attitude. Life is huge in size and what you are undergoing at work, or elsewhere is simply negligible. We all should have that wider perspective and look at life with a beautiful smile as we have a lot more meaningful responsibilities to fulfil, embracing the beloved ones. Also, every one of us need some relaxation and self time. Go grab the long awaiting book on the shelf and start reading it with your favourite cup of coffee. Time is all yours.

Lesson 4: Watch your eating and sleeping habits

We all are familiar with the proverb that says, “When health is lost, everything is lost”. Despite knowing about it, we are still continuing to compromise our health for everything else. Imagine a day, when you have all what you wanted which might include, fame and money, but have lost your health to it. Neither can you cherish the victory wholeheartedly, nor can you feel the taste of that success for the rest of the years. No money or fame can bring back the lost natural health. Ask yourself, if you know what you had for dinner yesterday, and if you feel tired most of the times? The answers to these questions will tell you how unknowingly, you had been ruining your eating and sleeping habits. Let people know that you need ample time for your health and well-being. Working hard is acceptable and appreciable but never at the cost of losing your health. Keep an eye on your lifestyle, as this busy world is constantly letting us change it without our knowledge.

 

 

 

𝓛𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓱 – 𝓕𝓮𝓫𝓻𝓾𝓪𝓻𝔂

Dear all, Hope you are all doing great.

This month was a roller coaster ride for me. However, there were some major takeaways too. Let’s get into the lessons without wasting any time.

Lesson 1: An Attitude with Gratitude

I sometimes feel the lack of contentment in life. This February, was no exception. Mainly at times, that remind me about my career and passion. When it comes to our dreams, we are all awake with wide open eyes and an overthinking mind. I would like to share with you all, about something that I had noticed recently on the Google search engine.

In today’s busy world, many of us search for “How to be happy?” articles on the internet. It clearly shows that happiness is in demand and is required in abundance. However, we cannot deny the fact that we are living a better life than people who are still longing for one. So, what makes people yearn for happiness? It is not the actual lack of happiness, but the overshadowing of our daily life battles, at work place or at home. People either, do not realize the happiness, or fail to appreciate the good things around them, as they give more importance to the petty incidents that spoil their mood. If they understand that their emotion is being controlled largely by the external factors, they would stop being a victim for which they are not entitled for. Instead, they would start being grateful for what they are blessed with.

Lesson 2: Stay focused – Devoid of Distractions

We all live in a competitive world. We are all forced to run a race. In this race, some carry their own goals along with the values that are meaningful, while others follow them not knowing why. It is painful to watch people, who are running without a purpose. These are the people, who could create the culture of unhealthy competition in the race. At one point, everyone meets the destination. However, the important part in this, is the eternal satisfaction that the heart and the soul achieve. The unhealthy competitors fail to understand this. If you are matured enough, the only competition for you will be yourself. In-spite of this unhealthy competition, we should try to focus on our destination without losing our purpose in life. After all, our day-to-day aim should be to become a better person than what we were on the previous day. Be a Sea, that is calm despite of the turbulence caused by the stones thrown on it.

Lesson 3: Live in the present – No past regrets or future anxieties

Not every yesterday was beautiful and not every tomorrow is guaranteed to be wonderful. However, today can be lived wholeheartedly. I was so occupied with the thoughts in my mind and those thoughts made me forget my present. I realized later that, it might be too late to regret about wasting the precious moments as they would have already gone and can never be reversed. My major takeaway on this is that, we can have control on what is happening at present and that can reduce the regrets and anxieties on yesterdays and tomorrows.

This moment is all ours. Let’s take control of it and start living with all our heart. Cherish every minute of life that will become a good memory for tomorrow. Please, respect and value the present in your hands.

Lesson 4: Know your worth – Don’t await appreciations

The world knows you as how you think about yourself. Every action or word of yours exhibit what’s on your mind about your achievements. If you see yourself as a winner, then others perceive the same. Else, remember it is you who chose to be the loser and have given the control to others to see you in that aspect.

No one is born perfect. it is fine to make mistakes and learn from them. Do not see yourself a failure just because of small errors that are likely to happen to everyone at some point in time. We should not forget the fact that as human beings we are evolving from one phase to another by learning from our previous stepping-stones. It does not require an award to know who you are. We should know our worth and appreciate ourselves for how far we have come facing too many hurdles. This positive energy will resonate to the world and get back to you as appreciations in abundance. Also, we are definitely being appreciated somewhere by someone, it is just that we should know where to look at without missing it.

All the Best!

𝓛𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓱 – 𝒥𝒶𝓃𝓊𝒶𝓇𝓎

While the people around me, were celebrating and welcoming the new year, I did not know what my thoughts were supposed to be. I made no attempt to force myself to write, because I knew, I was in the process of learning an important lesson.

Every new year eve had more or less been the same for me, not knowing what I really felt about it. Yes, I had no clear thoughts, neither about the previous year, nor about the new one.

However, this year I am planning to write every month, with some finest lessons that shape me in becoming a better person. After all, we are all here in this space to learn. Isn’t it?

So, here comes the first lesson of the year, 2019. But, before that, I want to wish you all a very happy 2019. (Because I know, it is better late than never!)

Lesson 1 – Power of Silence!

We all have that rage of anger and are flooded with thoughts, during heated up arguments, at highly emotional states, or any such involuntary tempted moments.

Our queued up thoughts are running a race inside our minds, waiting to jump out of our mouths as words. Ironically, the words that win this race, are those that lose the value in them.

A book called, ‘Thinking Fast and Slow’ says, there are two systems that govern our thoughts and that the ‘system 1’ is the one, that is responsible for any involuntary words/ actions. It does not take time to think about the consequences. Basic understanding of this concept, gave me the power to control my emotions.

So, if those words that come in haste are not thoughtful and can kill relationships in seconds, imagine the power of not uttering them or remaining silent. It also could help in overpowering the temptation to let those meaningless/harmful words out.

Words are as strong as a nuclear weapon that can destroy nations. However, silence is stronger and can reunite them in peace.

So, getting back to the lesson, how did I learn to remain silent amidst the chaos?

There were situations where I had to comment on a few things, defending the false allegations that could cause rivalry/ conflicts. Not just with others, but also within myself. Also, there were situations where I did want to appreciate good things(but, could cause unfavourable moments in the future). Be it anything, I felt it was better to keep it to myself than reacting at those not-so-right moments.

In such situations, I step back and allow myself to wait for a minute to understand the consequences. I asked the following questions to myself,

1. Are my words going to bring in any changes for good?
2. Will my words hurt others?
3. What would I lose, in winning that argument?
4. What could I do to make things better?

All the above listed questions but for the last one, gave me clarity on why I should remain silent. However, the last one frightened me and made me feel helpless.

I knew, this silence, neither helped me to win the situation nor the people. However, I definitely believe, it prevented the situation from getting worse. Though I remained silent, I did not stop observing what was happening.

So, for the last question, my answer was “Please give time, some time”. People will understand it when it is the right time for them to realize. Happiness is in exploring the journey of life, irrespective of the ups and downs on its way.

Lesson 2 – Assertiveness is Not Rudeness

During this month, I started talking about my challenges to the right people who could really help. All what I heard was so surprising, that my ego was first refusing to understand. It was clear that I can’t undo what had already been made. Gradually, I let myself learn the lesson and started practising it. It was difficult initially. But, definitely not impossible.

I stopped whining about the unfavourable people and situations. I shifted my focus on observing things rather reacting to them in haste. Also, I was thinking about the areas of improvement that would prevent me from similar incidents in the future. The self realisation process was difficult but it taught me on what I was lacking on.

So, I learnt that the primary reasons, like the absence of assertiveness and the unnecessary conversations had brought me to an unfavorable situation.

Whenever, I heard a gossip from a friend or colleague, I remained silent and diverted the conversation to something else. If it is required, I told people, that I am not interested in such topics. I have to accept that there are places where, I still haven’t learnt to say a ‘NO’. I am still in the process of learning it.

Being nice to people without assertiveness is dangerous. Know the difference!

Lesson 3 – Appreciate Goodness

We always tend to focus on the bad things first. This restricts us from looking at the good ones. Appreciating good things not only helps in building relationships, but also gives us a huge amount of positivity to our inner self.

Every coin has two sides. So does a person. I tried to look beyond what was visible to my eyes. Though the negative thoughts about people would dominate initially, it will disappear as we get into the good sides deeper. It also needs, discipline and self-control.

Any moment, I was tempted to utter anything bad about someone or something, I started talking otherwise. If not, I remained silent. I monitored my mind in doing the same. It was almost successful. More than anything, I learnt gratitude.

Lesson 4 – Listen to your instinct carefully

Understanding people/ circumstances is difficult. So, it is not necessary to accept everything that comes your way. One line that we say to ourselves more often when we repent is that,

Had we listened to our first thoughts, we could have avoided the hard times that we are experiencing at present.

First impression not needs to be right all the time. However, it can be right most of the times. So, if you feel something bad, please, STOP IT right there. Take a step back and do not ignore such impulsive warnings/ signals that alert you.

The most significant lesson that I learnt out of this is that, any impression on anything could change anytime. The difficult part is that we would not be aware of the right one. So, know what you talk, how you act and more importantly, be attentive to your inner self. Appearances could be deceptive and opinions are liable to change. Be right with people and live a life without resentments.

Let us live every moment of life with joy, compassion, and positive thoughts.

Happy Learning! 🙂