Lessons of Setting Things Right!

Hello Everyone! Hope you are doing well.

Back to this space after a really long time with some lessons that I thought are worth sharing with y’all. So, here we go!

1. It’s important to organise our scattered thoughts

For so long I have been unknowingly accumulating too many thoughts into my head. I had no idea about it, until the day I realized I had lost interest in my daily life and was just trying to live away just because I existed on this earth.

The problem with unresolved gathering of too many thoughts in our mind is that, we might feel stressed out and might involuntarlity start acting like we don’t have the need to clear out any of them.

Later when we will no longer be able to handle the pressure, it will be too late and would create a panic that we have too many issues to be addressed.

So, it is always better to sit down and organise our thoughts by giving ourselves some ample time to resolve them, then and there.

2. Acknowledging our emotions without guilt

Starting from social issues to our personal ones, we show different emotions at different places. The important part here is that the significance of every emotion is in no way lesser to others’ just because others do not feel the same way about those isssues.

There are times where we do not want to vent out our emotions as it might sound lame to others who are going through tougher days. While they are right in feeling so, it is equally important for us to understand that our emotions are more inclined to our life values and the past that we came from. Acknowledging the emotions rather than invalidating/shaming them will help us in venting them out. And, remember, only if we let things out, our mind can handle the upcoming ones.

Everyone is unique and so are our thoughts and emotions. Let’s learn to embrace them with love.

@apenophile

3. Distracting ourselves from the diappointments is not the right solution

With so many unfortunate things happening around the world, We might keep distracting ourselves from such things that we don’t want to see/hear/think about as, what we have no control on is not something we can change too. Truth is that we are here to empathize with people and their success, failure, and happiness might impact us. It is completely okay, if the world does not function how we want it to be.

Every thing that we observe in our life has a hidden lesson for us. It is better to accept, feel and go though the dissapointment rather than strongly supressing that emotion inside our head. It is for no good but only adds up to more stress and pressure. Anyways, one day or the other we might have to face it. Why not we gather the courage and give a closure to them at the right time? Also, lesser the expectations, lesser will be the disappointments.

4. Getting lost is okay but not when it’s forever

We all would have had days of existential crisis and would have thought that we might never get back to where we started. Wandering around for a while is fine, however, it is not safe to stay there longer. Reality, is waiting to hit you harder, the more time you take to face it. Let’s go back and fix things being brave and confident. After all, we are here to live in the present, why fear or worry about the past or future. A minute wasted can never be brought back and rewritten. Let’s learn and try to live in the moment to the fullest with joy and love.

5. The practice of prayer and gratitude

How much ever far away we had ran, the moment we fall and give up, we turn towards that supreme power and find hope in him. Yes, when we feel that there is no other way, that is the place we tend to go and stay. isn’t it?

If God can answer our prayers and guide us to get us back on track, why not set the track right proactively and live in peace by praying daily? Let’s make sure to set some time aside for gratitude and prayer. The more we are grateful, the more positve our life becomes.

Hoping that these lessons help and heal you in any possible way. Wishing you all good health and happiness. See y’all next time!

𝓛𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓱 – June

Hello Everybody,

I’m back to this space after a year. Yes, it had been one full year of life between hell and heaven.

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Writer’s block was the only problem, I thought. Only until, I had to face the real ones.

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I was revisiting all the drafted posts and found the emotions in those words to be huge. I thought I cannot edit any of them. So, here is a new one.

As I’m typing this, there is lot going on inside my mind trying to recollect what all had happened. In fact, this post would not just be the lessons from the previous month. It is about the entire year I had (and was) lost.

Now, let’s get straight to the lessons.

Lesson 1: The problem that we are facing currently, might not be the hardest one.

Yes, you read that right. In moments of the hardest times of life, we all think that we are going through the toughest phase. It is natural to think like that. However, the truth is that we never know what comes next. Well, I’m not being pessimistic here. It is for all of us, to know that,

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No part of our life is certain. Thinking that, we can no longer get back from the present situation, is truly false.

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Even if you had gone through my other posts here, you would see that, I have mentioned about learning the toughest lessons, in some of them. It took me these many years to learn that I was wrong about it, all this time, which I believe was also for a reason.

In short, whatever you are going through now, please know that, life will get better soon and what you think of the current situation is only because you are too much into it. We might have to be stronger and be the knight in the shining armour for someone later. So, never think that you are done, imagining you have faced the toughest one. Life will definitely have all emotions with many bumpy roads. It is just that, sometimes we get back to normalcy sooner, than the other few times. Be optimistic and know that you are always stronger than you know of yourself.

Lesson 2: There will be times, when we might be left only with hopes and prayers.

We might be surrounded with lots of people at happy times. They will all be ready to share the smiles, but not your sorrows at difficult times. Some might seem to be there, even then, you will get to know that, it was merely a decision of formality. End of the day, you will bravely realize that, you have to handle the tough times all by yourself in whatever age you might be. However, worry not. When you’re courageous enough, hope and prayer(if you are an atheist, it is positivity) will help.

Most importantly, I also learnt that, true friends are better saviours than our own family members. From giving an ear to all our lamenting and fear, to giving us a shelter, we will feel that they are God-sent and we will be grateful of having them.

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The only good thing during such a suffering is that, we might get to know who are the real ones.

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Some of the true ones might have been handling their own tough times. So, let us not judge everyone who wasn’t there for us when we needed them the most.

Lesson 3: We will get carried away with emotions, and will feel stupid of it later.

We start giving more attention to people we love, or care for when we hear scary things about their health. We would not be able to differentiate if it was mercy, or attachment that is making us go crazy to see them do well back in life. To an extent where we will never let ourselves believe that, they are fine and can live on their own without our support.

During such moments, we might forget about what was happening to our own personal life, health, and career. When we look back at all of what we have left behind unnoticed for several months together, trust me, we are very much likely to regret. This is also natural and okay to feel so. We have to admit that, we have screwed up a lot of our life, all just because of panicking.

Thinking normal, though is not easy at difficult moments, we should also remember that, we have a life where we have to get back to at some point. And, when we do so, we are the ones who is responsible to clean the mess we have created. Even the person for whom we have sacrificed (which was not asked for) all this, is not going to help. In fact, we will realize that, it was us who panicked and ruined all this and no one else is responsible for it.

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Precisely, sooner we get back to normalcy, better will be our mental health.

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Lesson 4: A fear, when not truly overcome can give us scary and sleepless nights.

We all have a few left over childhood traumas, safely sleeping inside our minds for decades, in whatever form those might be. Even after becoming adults, we will still become vulnerable, in times when we have to face such a fear turning into a reality.

The fear in our minds, once woken up because of such incidents, neither will go back to sleep easily, nor will we be able to overcome it faster.

The truth is, we were not afraid of what we were actually frightened of.

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It is the fear, that the fear might come true one day, which we stubbornly never wanted to, since childhood. After all, we do not want to be defeated by that fear.

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This will definitely not let us sleep in peace at night, and we might end up keeping ourselves busy(not necessarily productive) all the time. It is because, we are always afraid of accepting the fact that we do not have control on what happens to the things that we do not want to see in life. This also, includes the fear winning over us becoming a reality.

I’m being true to myself here, and letting you all know that, I’m still working on it. I do fear of closing my eyes at night, thinking, what if that moment comes when I’m in sleep. Hoping to overcome the fear soon.

Positive thoughts cannot help me completely to win over my fear(of it coming true). I agree. However, I strongly believe that, at one point, positivity will eliminate the unnecessary future related anxieties (that are merely some negative thoughts) that are killing my present peaceful life.

With so much lessons, I will sure get better soon and see you all in the next month’s post. Wish you all have peaceful and happy days ahead! 🙂

P.S. For more such doodles – Visit @apenophile

𝓛𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓜𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓱 – 𝓐𝓹𝓻𝓲𝓵

Dear Readers,

This post has some of the toughest lessons that I had learnt in 2019. It had gone through too many drafts before becoming a post here. So did I. Some of the learnings from the draft versions of my life are here for you.

Lesson 1: Forgive yourself

I had always been a person who looked upon perfection in anything I do. I make sure to work hard enough to get it done on par with the expectations. Leaving any work half the way, gives a sleepless night to me. Though, I am learning the art of letting things go, I had cleverly managed to conceal a portion of it and willingly hid it from the art-of-letting-go radar. Yes, I had never let go of mistakes that I make. Especially, breaking people’s trust on me is like facing a severe accident with a physical damage for both of us. I had not let myself look beyond my conscience on such cases, to see if others are truly upset with me. Even if others are ready to forgive me, I punish myself involuntarily. It sometimes had not even been a miserable mistake in others eyes. However, I had been hard on myself.

For me, mistakes are failures caused due to carelessness. Also, mistakes mostly happen due to many other factors than the lack of talent/knowledge, which likely will be seen otherwise. Trying to prove it, is of no use.

On the other hand, failing is not bad, but knowingly not acting upon it is a mistake. These ideas of mine, make it difficult for me to accept my mistakes and forgive myself for making them.

For people like me, pardoning themselves is not easy. It is sometimes merely impossible. Because, the self-esteem/ the dignity that we have for ourselves, overpowers the self-love. The ego inside us, definitely has a role to play too. Don’t we jump in and punish our beloved ones, as we cannot stand the sight of others punishing them? It is similar to that. You punish yourself because you love and respect thyself more, and cannot let anyone else hurt you.

From reading professional emails to validating human personalities, I had been proof-reading everything not knowing if it truly required/deserved my time. It had become habitual, or could be a part of my nature too. No mistake can escape my sight.

I read this following line almost 97 times until it hit my mind, ‘To err is human’. Henceforth, I have decided to see myself as a human too. I am getting to realize, that everyone make mistakes and that, it is absolutely fine. At times like this, first things that cross our mind are that, we should never make a mistake and we are not allowed to live with errors. Above all, we should be ashamed of it.

Unfortunately, we have to admit that we are all prone to make mistakes and only by accepting it we can make peace with it. First, don’t give time to your ego to retaliate when your brain had already started sending the signals of a mistake. Start forgiving yourself as early as possible, it heals your wound faster. If you are not kind to yourself, you cannot expect others to be compassionate too.

Stop focusing on the end result/destination and start concentrating on the efforts/journey towards it.

Lesson 2: Do not quit/ run away

Now that we are ready to forgive ourselves, we should think about the aftermath of the situation that we had created. Any human would be afraid of facing such ruined situations. People tend to criticize on mishaps not always because they are evil. It is also because, they are used to it and they do not realize the pain that we would be undergoing until they empathy us being on our shoes. I am not supporting unhealthy criticisms but only, trying to emphasize the point that those are not meant for us to ponder upon. I also agree that sometimes damages caused are irreversible. Once the wound is healed, the scars will remain only to remind you about the lessons that will help you achieve success next time.

Stop worrying, things will change sooner anyway, but, only if you are willing to stay. All 30 days of a month can never be the same. Just endure the so-called loser scar for a little more. Await another opportunity to correct your mistakes(you had already accepted them, peace!). Do not dig the dirt until it is ready to be cleaned up, thinking you can resolve everything immediately. Even if you’re genuine and sincere, apologies will only play with the ego of the people involved, kindling the unpleasant memories. Give people some time. If your day was bad, the other person’s day could be worse. Everyone needs some time, and so do you. Time heals everything.

Finally, the main reason to stay back in the scene is that quitting is not a permanent solution but it is proving to others that you were wrong. Remember to leave the place neat and clean. Your history is important for a peaceful life. After all, courage is not the absence of fear to face such situations but about realizing the fact that something else is more important at present, which is accepting and moving on with your head held up high. If you are afraid of losing people’s trust on you, then, face it. If you are worth it, it will get back to you in sometime. For now, hold on tightly to your trust on yourself.

After all, what others think of you is only a reflection of what you think of yourself.

A few other smaller lessons are listed below.

Lesson 3: Do not endure hatred

Facing hatred is normal but not enduring it. If people mock at you, let them do it. If they laugh at you, let them do it. Remember, even your dear friends of today were strangers to you in the past. If their words hurt, let them hurt you. It is natural for people to not to love you too. Respect and cordial relationship comes from good understanding. Let go of such hatred instead of shouldering it all the way. Be rational than emotional towards such situations. It is not necessary to endure every hatred that comes to you. Instead, keep yourself occupied with loving the people who deserve it the most.

Being imperfect and eccentric is not an issue but your failure to accept yourself being so is.

Recollect your childhood days, the things that you were secretly afraid of back then, are now cherishable memories to talk about to people. The thing/people that you are worrying about today too could be a cherishable memory for tomorrow. As we get older, life teaches us that there would be more such inevitable hates and unfaourable times, and that accepting as they are is also inevitable to move on. Try considering hate as a strong colour in the rainbow, that comes after rains. Rainbow is beautiful only because it has multiple shades in it. Enjoy it from the far sight, do not concentrate only on the one brighter shade and take it to your heart.

Lesson 4: Time management

Not everything in life occurs as planned. Be ready for unfavourable moments and learn to make quicker plans. Stop looking elsewhere by which you will be losing your concentration. No point in looking back when things have already happened. Estimate better and be well-informed. Again, being well- informed of everything is not on our hands, just give your best. Make sure to stay calm and composed as handling too many things at the same time need more patience and tolerance.

Keep in mind, that your family, health, meditation, prayer, and other hobbies should take higher priority in your planner. Without all these, we will end up screwing up with our otherwise successful life.

Lesson 5: Dissolve dependencies

Get a hold on yourself before you wake up from the disaster. Communication to others in such broken situations is not recommended. Words that had been let out can never be taken back. With a saddened mind, we would tend to lean on any moral support that is in our vicinity during that moment. However, if we could gather ourselves and give a thought for a few seconds we would realize that today is not the end and tomorrow is on its way. Yes, things will be different during the next sun rise. Do not let loose of yourself and search a place to vent all your emotions. Creating dependencies on your family or friends circle is hazardous as not everyone would have the placeholder to absorb your negative emotions. Who knows what they are going through in their lives and what if they need you at the same time? Do more of what you love while having your breathing time. Addiction to any of temporary pain relievers(or, people of that kind) might be harmful to your mental and physical health. Find the audacious person in you who had always taken care of your friends and beloved ones when they were in need and be that person to you.

Be that stronger person, because, You are enough!

Lesson 6: Spread love and dive into positivity

Now that we know the importance of the positive energy during our tough times, we should remember to spread it to everyone else, as we don’t know who is in need of it. One beautiful smile of yours can change their stormy day into a beautiful rainbow making their sky calm. At the worst condition, make sure you do not spread the negativity as they spread faster and will get back to you in no time.

Not everyone has the maturity to endure their bad days with a smile. However, all of us can understand the fact that it is just a momentary reaction blocking us from thinking beyond and is very much likely to change when things get better soon. Remind people who are depressed and dejected that their life is much bigger than the tiny problem that they are refusing to come out of.

If you can write it out, please keep writing. Write until you feel alright!

Maintaining our daily journal is like a natural health supplement. There is no other peaceful place that can listen to all your musings. It never complains, it accepts you as you are and gives back all the strength for you to move on.

Be it any of your passion, just go ahead and spend as much as time on it. Break all the barriers to sustain with it, as it is hard to get such unpleasant memories out of your head. Once you are done, spread the positive energy to your ambiance, as we all know, “What goes around, comes around”.